jes jes... ai am alive

jast bhery unhappy.
Have lost mai mojo jojo no...

will post soon :)

Tool earns respect...

Ae ladiej, Tool ij my good name
You all alraedy know bhy Ai am in phame
This story ij aebouwt bhen ai bhent to Bihaar
And came backs home bhearing sooz ka haar

Dont get me wraang ok
In Bihaar sooz is like giving a bookay
It ij symbol awf big time respect
And ai got it coj ai am total perphect

Ai took ae trains to Delhi from Patna town
Coj ai bhanted, with common man, to get down
In train oppojit to me, sat your pretty sister
I thought see waj singel, and bhithout ae mister

See wore ae pink saari
Man! the sex aeppeal of the Bharatiya naari
Soon ai waj in trance
And bephore ai knew, little Pappu started to dance

See waj eating some phoods
And slowly sipping on ae bottel of doodhs
Then see said: "Eu bhant some bhaiyya?"
Oh My God! Daiyya re daiyya!

Pappu phelt so bad, he drowned in his own chullu
Ai dint know bhat to say, Ai feel like ullu
"Ai like you ladiej, eu cant be mai sibling
With you ai wanna score. Ting! Ting! Ting!"

See screamed out loudly
And tall man walked up proudly
He said: Missej is there ae problem bubbling?
Yes my Mister, this man ij me troubling

Tall man caught my sirt collar
Man! Ai wis ai waj taller
He waj jest jealous coj his wiphe liked me
He beat me black and blue and doujed me with pee

Ebherywon in train bogie collected their sooz
Strung it in mala, forgetting which ij whos
Tall man put it on my neck
He married me with it - Bhawt the heck!

I dint pheel bad though my trips they took
Bhat can they do, Ai habe bhery bhery good looks
They felt so sorry later, they dint even take back their sooz
I came home that night and celebrated the respect with booz.

Won more womens phell for my charm
Coj my personality ij cool, my love ij warm
All thoj ladiej who want to meet ae hawttie
Gather your sooz, its time to get naughty

Episode 4 – Tool playj gamez

This ij aybout time when Tool waj ae young gun
Ai libed a liphe actibe and all the time had phun
Tool aj ae bwoy waj totally sporty
No wonder ladiej like eu phound him Hottie

Tool waj respected captane in game oph crickate
Ai lepht fine legs phor phielding in mid whikate
Hwen ai ujed bat like staph to hit seex run
Ladiej in crowd hwould say, “Tool eu er the one!”

Ladiej hounded me phor autograp aphter ai win ae match
Ai hwould sign my phone number, hoping to make ae catch
Daddiej of ladiej would hide my phone number
Or ladiej would call and invite me down under!

Ai also played the game oph pool hwith cue stick
Ai ujed eet well due to practise with own long wick
Ai would smas all ballj with ae hard bang
In the pockets the coloured ballj hwould then hang!

When ai ujed the chalk to smoothen the tip
Ladiej scream in pasion and tell me to kiss lusious lip
When ai hwon the game and raijed my stick in honour
Eet gabe ladiej the messege that ai can provide them hwith fodder

On ebery Sunday ai played the gentleman game
Hwalking with Golph stick, ai phelt so lame
Too many long thinjs to support my phrame
Thank god the longest one waj my pet so tame

When ai teed oph with my stroke so smooth and strong
I would aim at the phlag pole, with a shot so long
The number of timej ai entered the hole in won
Ai waj scared it would pregnant and deliver me son!

So ladiej ai am champion in all the sport
Phor position of teacher give me your vote
Ai can teach eu to hit seex and score the goal
Goej without saying, uje cue stick to phill all hole

Bhen eu run, Ai try to catch the bouncing ball
Iph ai fail, then the phlag pole will stand tall
At the end oph training eu will be phamous sportwoman
Eu can then play game like mad horny demon!

Aj ae reward for teaching you can gibe me a kiss
inhvite me home to convert eu to Mrs from Miss
Oph course ai don’t mean jest playfool game
Ai am "Tool", and everything ij in name!!

Episode Three – Tool in Leaou

Hi ladiej! Lemme tell eu about crus
Aphter many thought ai stop my Hus-Hus
Eet ij about time when Tool waj so kiddis
And he phell in leaou with hij class miss

See waj a hot ladiej, sensual and sexual
Taughting us GK, so smart and factual
See would come to class only once a day
Thank gawd see made me realije ai waj not ae gay

Her name waj sweet and cute Maidam Sarmila
See waj so much hotter than a curvy catterpilla
See would wear a looje fitting saree
Deude, eet would make me so damn "bhaari"

One day ai waj going to swet home by public bus
Then ai saw her trying to get on in a rush
I souted to conducter, "Aaste ladiej, pet ae bachcha!"
"Aami kichu kori ni, aamar kela kachcha!"

See got onto the bus, thanking me profujely
Ai smiled and said, "Maidam eet waj my holy deuty"
Then ai ophered to hold her books and her bag
The smell of her thingj made me wanna run home and sag!!!

When see reached her bus stop, see invited me to tea
Said we could sit in her house phacing the sea
I had a mathematic toosan, which I choje to phorget
Since I waj super excited, being cloje to my target

I sat on the swing, while see went to prepare food and drink stuph
While ai waj waiting for her to come back and huff puff
Suddenly a man walked in and souted "Honey"
"Let us go out, I managed to get the money!"

Sarmila maidam came out laughing and smiling
and introduced me to her saala hujband Ratan darling
My littel heart sattered and scattered into pieces phine
That waj the story of my first heart break at nine

Today ai look back at childhood and smile
Heart of heart ai know see leaoud me for my charm and guile
In back oph my mind ai know a thing for sure about see
Iph ai had asked her, see would have lepht him for me!!

So ladiej, aj eu may be able to see
Ai am bhastly experienced and learned like ae old banyan tree
Come on baby, light phire in my tent
Ai will alwayj be straight, never old and bent!

Episode Deux - The Birth!

Crips and Sunny, the day waj so phine
Marning time aebout halph past nine
My pregnaent mother started souting in the bed
Squirming in the pain, banging her head

Pappu my papa, waj such ae conphujed dunce
He called up phireman insted of ae ambulance
Somehowe mother reached ae hospital room
Opened her legj and shocked the world soon

When ai came out, ai waj small littel boy
Seeming all tiny, cuddly, sy and coy
Suddenly ladiej nurse gasped and sat on ae stool
“Wow” see shouted! “Just look at hij Tool!!”

My phather then saw my huge elephaent trunk
He felt sad cuj hij small dwarph could never slam dunk
Mother waj very happy with her littel boy
She said, “He will kill ladiej with that Toy”

The ladiej doctor and nurse were habhing ae lot of phun
Won by won to the toilet they would run
Finally papa said, “Enough! Get me some socks”
“Lets take our son’s Tool and put it in a Bawx!”

In a phew dayj it was ceremony phor gibhing name
Littel did ai know, ai whould be getting claim to phame
Ladiej sat in circle singing sonjs
Panditji threw dust into the phire, invoking chants and my large ding dongs!

All my papas phrendjs came to see the long stuph
Some would haw, some gasp and otherj simply laugh
Mommy waj thrilled, Papa waj still getting shocks
He sat in corner and grumbled, “Damn you Tool in the Bawx”

My dadi waj ae lillte hard of the hearing
See heard my daddy while he waj the swearing
Aj ujual see missed a phew words my daddy said
“Tool Box ij he name,” see said while blessing my head!

The panditji said the mantra
I was infused with a wicked tantra
People clapped in joy and amajement
My phather reached a stage of mental deranjement

In retrospect, when ai look back in time
I could not habhe thought oph ae name so sublime
It ij perfect for it ij my personality eu see
Ladiej get in line iph eu wanna be bitten by the bee!

Episode Won - The Introducshun!

Smyle Ladiej...Eet ij me, Tool
Ai am bhery smart, don’t think me Phool
Charam, Istyle, Grace and Panaass
Ai hab eet awl in my packaje khaas!

Bhen Ai bhaz bhery youwng
And girljs on swingz swung
Near bhen I came, out of syness, they rhan
Since that day Ai knew, Ai am ladiej mayn

Ai am bhalking awn da main street
Looking, sarching, phinding a tastie treeat
Seddenlie Ai see a ladiej, looking hawt
Mai phlag pole rije up and ask, “Hwat Hwat?”

It eej a nice day, toode
Sun sining, Hawa ude
Ij thees gonna bee
My lucky day phor phree?

Ai approach ladiej and say cazuel "HI"
Ladiej looks at me, and says a quick "Bye Bye"
Ai am naat angrie, Ai am awn such ae high
Becauj I know, She waj jest being Sy!

So Ladiej at home, open your locks
Say Hie to me, Ai am Tool Bawx
I bhill be nice, not mean nor rouph
I am ae gentle and hab ae “big Stuph!”

Iph eu feel the needs, gimme a calls
Bhee can meet at restrawnt or movie halls
Ai bhill leabhe you satisphied and happie
On second meeting you can gib me ae lappie!

Now ladiej pleej hold your horses
Pleej don’t leabe thing stuck in arses
I bhill be back apter climbhing mountain and hill
Bhith my “screw dribher, spanner and drill!”

Ai labh you aaal
Yourj truliee
Tool Bawx
“Come on babie light my phire.
Make this night, a night of dejire!”